#005 Eat Drink Man Woman (1994)

       "Eat Drink Man Woman" presented a phenomena which may have experienced by every family in any generation: communication gap that occurs in the family due to lack of communication and disclosure. The father in the movie was an experienced Chinese cuisine chef who values Chinese tradition, with three daughters. It was a routine for the family to have dinner on every Sunday. The father would prepare the dishes more than just an ordinary dinner, perhaps a banquet. and all the daughters would make any arrangement to get back from work for the dinner. This family rarely talked to each other in daily life but only brought up some topics to talk in the Sunday dinner. Therefore, everytime someone was making an "announcement", it would be a decision than a discussion for the family. Gap occurred in the family as they did not disclose themselves to each other, whether among the father and daughters, nor the daughters as siblings as well. 

       Other than communication gap, I would like to talk about the characteristics of the three daughters.

       Alfred Adler proposed Birth Order Theory which by personality of an individual can be developed according to birth order (Carlson, Watts & Maniacci, 2006). In his theory, suggesting that the first born normally be attention of the family, can be either spoiled or responsible. The second child behaves as if in a race, often opposite to the first born. While the youngest tend to be more creative and outgoing as compared to the other siblings (Carlson, Watts & Maniacci, 2006). In the movie, the eldest daughter was a decent, passive and nurturing Chemistry teacher in a secondary school. The second daughter, independent, capable and somehow assertive, worked as an airline executive. The youngest daughter, youthful, energetic and immature, a student worked part-time job in fast-food restaurant. The eldest daughter felt the burden for the family since her mother passed away therefore behaved like a mother-figure to discipline her sisters and often stayed at home. Being the eldest daughter, the father, neighbours and friends pay more attention on her especially her marriage. As compared to eldest daughter's conservative perspective on romantic relationship, the second daughter was sexually liberated as she enjoyed one-night-stand. She was the one who carried the father's culinary legacy and tried to be the "son" her father never had. The youngest daughter was the "baby" in the family, naive and immature. Often offended her sisters when she talked without thinking much and felt into a complicated situation in relationship, also an unexpected pregnancy in romantic relationship. A few scenes captured how the father treated three of his daughter differently. When he waken up the youngest daughter in the morning before he went out for jogging, the voice tone was so much love and mischievous. However to the second daughter, it was a strict voice tone and to the eldest, more decent and polite voice tone. 

       I am the only child in my family. According to Birth Order Theory, it was suggested that the only child tend to have almost all of the attention from both parents, hence the child has a sense of uniqueness, feels special, at the same time likes the attention from adults (J. Sommers-Flanagan & R. Sommers-Flanagan, 2012). Not only being only child, being the only grandchild who carries the family name, I often being told that I am a special blessing to the family. When I was small, I enjoyed being the center of attention, receiving praises and claps by my performance on the “stage” (singing, dancing or acting on the table). Later in my schooling years, I actively participated and achieved in different kinds of competition, included singing contest, story-telling contest, public speaking and dancing, even in state level competition. I strive so hard to draw attention and proved myself. Unlike what is normally been thought that only child gets everything he or she wants and rarely share things with others (J. Sommers-Flanagan & R. Sommers-Flanagan, 2012), my parents did not raise me in that way. They would reason to me why we should or should not buy something, I would only get what I need. 

       Another point of view from Birth Order Theory, Adler viewed birth order psychologically rather than chronologically (J. Sommers-Flanagan & R. Sommers-Flanagan, 2012). He illustrated this with example of an eldest child with disability or sickness which reduce his or her ability, the second child has high tendency to adopt the characteristics which are associated with first born (J. Sommers-Flanagan & R. Sommers-Flanagan, 2012). As in the movie, the second daughter viewed herself as "the son her father never had", she intended to carry the role to take care of the family. So, she worked hard to earn and turned down company promotion to Amsterdam in order to stay with her father. I always long to have little brother or sister as I love kids so much, maybe because being the only child, I feel lonely and boring playing alone. My cousin was born when I was seven and my life began to change and raise up like a first born. New members were adding into the family, I felt the responsibility on me to take care of my little cousins and be the role model to them. Besides, although I am the third youngest child in my extended family, but my father is the eldest son and I am the first and only grandchild who carries the family name, so in certain extend I raised like a first born again. As I grown up now, most of the people think that I am a first born child than an only child. 

       To me, I would say that being an only child, I carry the responsibilities and expectations as a first born does, but at the same time have the privileges like the last born.

References

Carlson, J., Watts, R. E., & Maniacci, M. (2006). Adlerian Therapy: Theory and Practice. American Psychological Association.

Sommers-Flanagan, J. & Sommers-Flanagan, R. (2012). Counseling and Psychotherapy Theories in Context and Practice: Skills, Strategies, and Techniques (2nd ed.). John Wiley and Sons.



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